Computers Finally Master English

You say: "negotiations"
They spell: "new cushy Asians"

You say: "your cellphone"
They spell: "your self fun"

You say: "otherwise Press 1"
They spell: "other wives Press 1"

You say: "Honestly they are very excited"
They spell: "On a sleigh they are very excited"

You say: "Geriatrics Center"
They spell: "Area Tricks Center"

You say: "Find out if it's real"
They spell: "Find out it's Israel"

You say: "Veterans Office"
They spell: "Mitterrand's Office"

You say: "Operator"
They spell: "Mob her rate her"

You say: "She's actually eating right now"
They spell: "She's sexually eating right now"

You say: "We're working on our garage sale skills"
They spell: "We're working on erogenous skills"

You say: "I'm just calling to say Hi"
They spell: "Mad sodomist calling to say Hi"

You say: "To become one of Sear's loyal customers"
They spell: "To become one of Saddam's loyal customers"

You say: "I'll pick you up tomorrow"
They spell: "I'll pick you off tomorrow"

You say: "When there's a knock at her door her dog barks and lets her know"
They spell: "When there's knock at her door her dog farts . . . . "

You say: "You have reached the voicemail of _______ Oil Company."
They spell: "You have reached the boy smell of _____ Oil Company."

You say: "We're just sitting here catching our breaths."
They spell: "We're just sitting here touching our breasts."

You say: "What if you dial . . . . ?"
They spell: "Dud you die alone."

You say: "Who am i talking with Question Mark"
They spell: "Who am i talking with a smurf?"

You say: "I am coughing most of the time"
They spell: "I am quaffing most of the time"

You say: "I thought you called about a load"
They spell: "I thought it was all about blood-flow"

You say: "Use as directed"
They spell: "Use direct kick"

You say: "We will try to connect again to catch up on Friday"
They spell: "We will try to connect a gallon cock up on Friday"

You say: "Then all you will have to do is email her"
They spell: "Then all you will have to do is kill her"