The Crackle of Oratory
I am indebted to Allan V., my neighbour and friend, for the long hours of hospitality in his den during which he brightened my day, preached with conviction, and made his way through the hallways of our house and the streets of Madison to speak to its people with the spur-of-the-moment frankness that took many of them aback. -N. P. Hillman
Spoken to a mounted cop: "It's amazing how one of God's most wonderful beasts can bear Satan so well on its back!"
Spoken to more mounted cops: "You ride as if you're part of that horse - I won't say which part."
Spoken to more coppers patrolling Madison Halloween: "Do they pay you extra not to talk?"
Spoken on television during Madison 'Mardi Gras' (Halloween): "We went to the Garden to find the Great Pumpkin, but all that we found was Pumpkin Head." [Review your Charlie Brown....]
Spoken to the wordless, greetingless grim Cop at Peace Park, who told Allan, 'You need to address me as Sir of Officer'. [removing sunglasses off of piercing Sioux eyes and staring at policeman]: "You are our gods. You carry the weapons. It's your job to protect us...and . not . harrass . us. People are in awe of you. You are their protector, and you pretend we don't exist?"
"We're fighting over things so petty and tiny that pretty soon we'll fit through the smallest keyhole into Hell."
"I am Son of Satan
That is Who I am
Here is WHERE I am
You will have to find me...
[walking away now from two listeners.
peers back at them over his shoulder]
If
You
Give
a
Damn. "
Quicklines:
"My friend named Magic puts the Sham in Shamanism."
"I'm just King of the Kooks here. I don't use my authority very often."
"I can't date anyone. Not now. I'm too...I'm too...possessed."
"People say, 'I don't have any time'. But ALL we have is time!"
"I came to a place this nation calls its Heart, but I found none."
"Satan lives in the electrical wires."
"Time is thick right now. It's like we're crawling through it."
"I'm marvellous as well as marble-less."
"I'm lunar-ly, not loonily inclined."
"J has no sense, but there IS a scent with him!"
Longlines:
Spoken of a neighbour who insists that Allan shut his door when said neighbour uses nearby bathroom and tries to lock his own private life away in room and bathroom:
"Arrogance needs no lock."
Spoken TO same neighbour who tried to sniff weed in Allan's room by thrusting his nose across the threshold! : "You like confrontation, don't you? Listen. I. Am. Son. of. Satan", finished off with empathetic rhythmic nods. Neighbour now tolerates the Open Door Policy!
Spoken to housemate who lives one floor below who was flinging baby powder in the air while Allan tried to retrieve and eat food from a microwave on the same floor: "J, don't you think it's time you let me eat some food without your powders and spray in it? From now on, your bike lock is cursed." [J had to find a janitor to cable cut his lock. The combo no longer worked.]
Next day, SOS (Allan) with same neighbour, watching Allan put his hand over the bike lock: "Wait wait wait. Let me put my RIGHT hand upon your lock so I can remove the curse." J says, "Please? Please?!"
Spoken to the CIA in the Phillipines after they warned him not to pay the poor natives selling him shoe polish: "It's a good day to blackmarket then!"
Spoken to Kris Krisofferston in the Philippines when he was on tour with Barbara Streisand, and Allan had stolen Kris' birthday cake to feed it to the natives: "I'm sorry, Kris. I stole your cake so the Filipinos could have some food."
Spoken to drivers who yell at him on his bicycle -- Why don't you stay on the Bicycle Path!!!!!!
"We are ALL on the wrong path, and we must all find a new one". [With confident slow nods and measured enunciation.]
Spoken to one of the four drivers who hit him on foot or cycle in a crosswalk (four times) and then stopped to see if he was alright! "Thank you for coming. I see you had LOTS and LOTS of time to stop and talk to me after you hit me, but no time to slow down enough not to run me over."
Spoken to street evangelists during Halloween after one says to him, "I'll pray for you." : "It is time to pray, for I am here. I am among you."
Uttered to a praetersexual who condescended to him from the audience with the words, 'Do you think you need some help?'-- "Are you going to be my Judas?"
Spoken to local Madison 'Orange Man' (Paul Arthur), who plays his piccalo for the People and never speaks to them: "Sir, I can see you play for the people. You are FOR the people, but you don't seem WITH the people." [SOS shaking his head]. Orange Man, true to form, spoke not a word.
SoS's word to the spirit, Dogman, after Equinox, 2008: " "
Teacher's comment on one of SoS's early report cards: "He gallops well."
N. P. H. : "Hi, I'm 2,000 years old."
SoS: "Hi, good to meet you. I'm dead already."
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